10 Reggae Artists who should also have their own West End musicals:

1) Cutty Ranks – mad, whirling dancers with meat cleavers all singing “The Stopper”.

2) Augustus Pablo – with no words, all the script to be done by melodica.

3) Dr Alimentado – will write itself: The Barber as evil guy, a huge 80 foot high chicken, something is wrong with the bread… possible League of Gentlemen crossover?

4) Buccaneer – the story of a simple country boy who comes to the big city and gets messed up with gangsterism… and Opera!

5) Sizzla – a highly conceptual “cycle” of work lasting 78 hours in which our hero battles between spirituality and sexuality, the virtuous and the venal, prophecy amd punany. Will righteousness conquer all? Wagner’s Ring vs Jerry Springer the Musical.

6) Red Rat – a highly conceptual tribute to English farces in which a series of middle class faux pas are played out, with our hero turning up at the end shouting “Ohhhhhhhhhh Nooooooooooo!” in his characteristic way.

7) Yellowman – co-staring a cast of hundreds of yellow superstars including The Simpsons, Snoopy’s mate Woodstock, and Spongebob Squarepants. Also Winona Ryder & Sean Ryder going through cold turkey. Coming at the end of 2005 and to be titled “A Merry Yellow Christmas”.

8) Elephant Man & Lady Saw – a do-over of Romeo & Juliette except she survives at the end. Ha!

9) T.O.K. vs Ward 21 – stretching the doo-wop harmonies to the max in a version of West Side Story set in downtown Kingston.

10) Shaggy. (actually this is probably already in production)